razorb666

its been forever

2008-06-25T19:33:02Z

so ya, ive been slacking off with this thing. im sorry. though i doubt anyone actually reads this anyway. so, lifes been shitty and good at the same time. though the best way to describe what ive been going through is like atlas holding the world on his shoulders. shitty thing is i know no one whos in my position right now, * i know ppl say that all the time, but i know its true* and idk what to do.

going through a lot

2008-01-25T04:40:09Z

is a fucking understatement.

the latest

2008-01-23T10:56:58Z

so my grandma finally passed away at approximately 4:20am friday morning, the 18th, causes unknown at the moment. though she did suffer from asthma, diabeties, pulmonary fibrosis, pnuemonia, and a shitty husband of 50 some odd years. i got asked to be one of the pallbearers in the funeral, and that tore me up, the only thing holding my tears back were my moms. its come in waves and it still hasnt sunk it yet and im still having lil bits of rage, and sadness, its been a long time since one of my family has passed, thankfully. and im inbetween being forlorn and joy. im happy shes done suffering, shes not in pain anymore, and thats important, and also, shes away from my douchebag grandpa. mentally and physically abusive dick that he was. im not opperating in a clear mind nor will i. thank to all those who have expressed their cares and concerns. its been hard to keep in touch with everyone lately.

lmao

2007-12-15T01:43:10Z

me

2007-11-25T20:57:24Z

im going to jail in about an hour or so to clear up a few things. so i should be home wensday. if all goes well. and i know i can never spell wenesday but it happens. leave me some love on myspace for when i get back. enjoy the silece. its already been destroying my thoughts. glad to get this over with finally.

you should so go. i mean, its free!!!

2007-10-23T18:03:39Z

i suck

2007-10-18T23:49:43Z

apparently the girl i was dating for the last month or so was cheating on me the entire time. with a dirty i.e. bro of all ppl. EW fucking EW. i reaaaaly know how to pick em. fucking sucks. does it just saying "fucking cheat on me" on my forehead somewhere where only girls can read it? i mean shit. how do you look someone in the eye and tell them your falling in love with them then go bro humping??? wtf???

why i hate cops

2007-10-17T20:55:54Z

for some reason the hill street court house needed about 40 cops outside to do what?? crowd control?? i was to tired and half hungover from the lo:lita gig the night before i wasnt trying to raise hell. but i had to go to three different floors to see a judge about getting a new court date. a court date to get a court date?? wtf is up with the justice system. couldnt i hae just made a phone call for that?? nope, i gotta go in person and waste tax payer money. so i apologize for your taxes being so high cause i dont like obeying all the laws. at least i dont stab ppl or graffetii on stuff. at least not yet. might as well get your moneys worth eh ppl??

bummed the fuck out

2007-10-14T22:34:12Z

i thought for a few minutes i was able to fix my car so at least it was driveable. not great but at least mobile. but no. after 5 minutes and a teasing block around the neighborhood it fucking goes gay again. seriously. wtf. am i not supposed to be allowed to get around anymore?? grrrrrrrrrrr. i feel like an ass. great.

again. fuck ya

2007-10-14T16:51:56Z

GO RAIDERS!!!!!
GO KINGS!!!!!!!! JMFJ IS GONNA LAY SOME SERIOUS HURT ON SOME RED WING ASS!!!!!!

SEE YOU TOOLS AT FRIARS
-RAZOR-

today is game day

2007-10-14T15:04:12Z

so i can fucking sleep as usual. so!!!!!!!! i made pancakes with white chocolate chips in them and!!!!!!!!!!! blueberry waffles. booya bitch!! razor b.cooking. dont eff with a hungry hungry razor. i will cook some serious business. and speaking of which!!!!!!
GO RAIDERS!!!!!
GO KINGS!!!!!!!! JMFJ IS GONNA LAY SOME SERIOUS HURT ON SOME RED WING ASS!!!!!!

SEE YOU TOOLS AT FRIARS
-RAZOR-

ugh

2007-09-20T22:38:13Z

so i like, keep finding myself trying to find out how bad it really was. some sort of constant validation that i was right all along. but in the end. all i do is just hurt myself by caring. but isnt that how i got to this point in the first place?

lately

2007-06-09T04:59:17Z

so as some of you may have noticed. im not on myspace at the moment. nor do i plan to be anytime soon. it feels nice being free. no more bulletins or dumb adds from dumb porn sites. been clubbing alot lately which is nice. took alil mini vacation behind the orange curtain. meet some new ppl. enjoying not having pressure. well excepet at work. but thats to be expected lol. so ya. boobs.

so

2007-06-01T12:32:39Z

bands doing well, me an rach are stupid, work is busy, emails are over rated, cell phones still are lame.

bored

2007-04-04T10:53:58Z

and awake. just wanted to post a lil something on here cause its been a while. gotta take my cousins roomate to court tmrow morning. well more like were leaveing in two plus hours. ya. i get to sit in traffic on my way to pasadena. the bands been doing awesome. that makes me happy. its one of the few things that has. aidens doing well in hockey. i missed the game cause i didnt know about it. but its been hard keeping in touch these last few weeks. hopefully ill be starting my new job next week and maybe be able to get out this depression ive been in. thatd be rad

my gay stalker

2006-11-28T23:46:00Z

is apparently putting up pictures of me on all of his friends profiles to procalim his love me. isnt that cute??

been a while

2006-11-28T09:14:37Z

so ina few days im gonna post a shit load of new pics.

fucking pissed

2006-10-27T12:13:36Z

i know im not perfect. but all these blogs about it dont help. i do what i can to cheer you up. yet im never enough when ive been more of a bf, a friend, a dad, a brother, a lover, a confidant, etc to you than anyone ever has. ive given you guidance. love. advice. and all i get are hatefull blogs. you need counseling. help. something. you over think things waaaay to much and you know. yet you continue to do it. idk what to do to help you. i do trust you. i do love you. but i dont know what else to do to get that into your head.

fuck. again

2006-06-09T06:35:11Z

the line has been pushed. crossed. destroyed. violated. an threatened to have the cops called. im done. one can only take so much an ive done so much more than i should have. so unappreciated. so used.

some photos i think are funny

2006-03-12T05:45:20Z

more of the same

2006-02-24T07:11:06Z

which it seems to be. more shit with rachel as always. like i said earlier. im just ready to give up. on lots of stuff. just feel like im getting pulled in too many directions. fuckl i need a vacation. havent taken my every six months vacation out of the area.cept for a small two minute jaunt down to s.d. to see shannon. blah. things with rach were getting better then she pulls more shit last night. i know she feels bad but there are so many things going on and so many people filling her head with god knows what. pretty much all her friends hate me or wanna fight me. but theyre too chicken to do anything. which agian is annoying. meh. fuck it

update shit

2006-02-17T06:31:33Z

so dir en grey is playing in march. that is so the fucking shit yo. that makes me happy beyond belief. things with me an rach have been going better. i think. still ups and downs but not as bad. things are getting better. shes changing. i can see it. its just hard to let go of the past as its always in the back of my mind. the night terrors have been worse tha usual. cant sleep. at all. i layed down for like 13 hours the other day. slept about two of it. the rest i felt panicked., worried. obsessed. about everything. its been bad. got a job thingy tmrow. which would rock my asshole. good money. fun job. basic hours. good times. fuck. band. recording got delayed. im a bit annoyed by that. but in retrospect weve been auditioning a drummer so its kind of like a give and take. drummer is more important. than recording right now. been getting better at guitar. i can se it. getting more confident. thats a big thing for me. well thats whats new. kids are good. i need to talk to them more. latez

new shit

2006-02-02T05:15:36Z

just an update on whats new.
first off been listening to waaay to much dir en grey. not sure what theyre sayinig buts its making sense. if that makes sense? like kyo's voice itself kind of gets through that metal grate i call a heart. second. havent been sleeping. an if i can i feel like absolute shit after. weird. an when i dont sleep for two or three days at all i feel good. its scary. i feel myself slowing turning into tyler durden. shit saturday i was drinking with no chaser. an way to much i might add. then after that i broke into two cars. weird. huh? well not to weird if u knew me in my dark year 2004. which i drank more in a year than most do in a life time. not good. third. sex. has been good to me. been having a bit of it lately. good times. well im off to infirmary to go an feel blah an un sexy an all that. like i usually do. and have rachel run around an be rachel an im left holding my cell phone dicking around on aim or something. usual shit i guess.
and fourth!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lo:lita is going great. minus one key part obviously. drums. but other than that i am like booya!!! about recording soon. and once dante moves out its gonna get all kinds of j-rock madness. american style. and were only gonna get better and more suicidal on the guitar!!! bitches

new stuff

2006-01-14T00:48:00Z

so yea like idk someone yelled at me for not updating this enough so here i am. updating this thing. siting here in the dark. me an rachel fought again last night. this whole thing is stress. so idk what to so or what to do. good news is that i got pierced again last night. only i was a dork an drank b4 so des couldnt get the ring in. oh well. next time. lol. but if felt good though. an i trust her more now with peircing things. so thats cool. and working on some stuff for stage antics as well. "previewed" the lolita look a lil bit wenseday night. got a lot of good comments. all the girls wanted to jock me. lol an a few did lol. im sitting here listening to zao and hearing d. wnydat scream about this is the end of the world, the end of his world here. just makes me stop and think. and ponder. cant get these thoughts of how things might be better off without me. with out my interference how the kids might grow up, normal. not like dad. not like me. idk this whole thing is hard. no one said it was gonna be easy. i lay awake, dreaming of what if's. i dream about, only losing control of everything. everynight. which is i stopped sleeping again. i cant. but its lead me to start drinking heavy again. i tried again i failed again. to find out for myself. this hurts, for a life time. .......................

been a while

2005-12-30T03:31:03Z

well ive totally dicked over rachel. and it sucks. i feel like shit. all i want to do is make things right. but im afraid that she wont be able to look past last night. its horrible. cant eat im so upset. well i tried and i threw up. all i want is just to be loved. but when someone did i fucked them over. guess people will find out why they call me razor soon enough